I Love You!

They’re all saying it these days… in schools & colleges, in Parks and restaurants, at workplaces and in bedrooms, over the phone and through emails. They first say it as a declaration, then as an assurance. Even people who normally don’t converse in English, when it comes to express their primary emotion, prefer ‘I love you’ to its vernacular equivalent. Just as the way it happens in movies: The Hero or the Heroine will flirt in the regional language, but the flirtation usually culminates with the mouthing of the inevitable- ‘I Love you.’

But what do they exactly mean when they say those three words?That they want to get married? Or that they find each other irresistible? Or is it an expression of affection or admiration? Or an unstated agreement to get indulged in the most intimate act? NO one knows!
The answer is bound to be as complicated as the definition of love itself.But one thing is certain….
10 years ago, when they said ‘I Love You’, no matter what they meant by that, it was taken not only as declaration of love but also of commitment. It was sacred as vow. And they usually said it once in their lifetime… that too to the person who eventually would become their spouse. And the pleasure of saying it was similar to using a smuggled French perfume.
Today, we can get the same perfume in the neighborhood departmental store. Similarly, ‘I Love you’ is now a free commodity. Today, according to Psychiatrists, ‘I love you’ no longer means you are the only one he/she loves. It has become only an expression of feeling. Today, people are in great hurry to fall in love. Having an affair has become a status symbol, especially in campuses.
So today, people are falling in love more often than they have common cold! And not just with one person. You are free to walk out if relationship is stifling, unlike older days when only death could do them apart.
Does that mean we are less sincere when we say ‘I Love You’?
My opinion- “It’s not so! The only difference is we no longer say it to express a commitment. I believe we mean it when we say it! Perhaps relationships have become more flexible with time. When one runs from one relationship to another, it becomes a character trait, only to be continued in future.
In a survey most youngsters agreed to it that they won’t believe it first hand if someone says he /she loves her/him!
Why not? The answer is simple… ‘I Love You’ is no longer the smuggled French perfume. Say it to a woman today and she’s unlikely to be impressed. Instead, she is likely to turn back and ask: “How many people you have said this before?” In any case, no one falls in love with a Tom, Dick or Harry these days… something that still happens in movies, where an auto rickshaw driver wins the heart of a millionaire’s daughter. In real life, it’s among equals (something that the strict father of the erring heroine is looking for when pushing her into a room and locking her up!)
We see this as a natural phenomenon. “By and large, we are drawn to people who are compatible, to whom we can relate to. That’s the built in safety mechanism love has, unless it is an act of rebellion.” So, is it really worth falling in love?For that, we have to first define love. And that is certainly not as easy as saying,‘I Love You’!!

Dr. Virat Kuntalam.
IGMC, Shimla.