When You Have Wronged...

We all go through the ups and downs of life and the most of us, on average, come out just good...
Majority of us have done 'something' wrong in past...

'something' that intermittently keeps pushing the guilt button ON and we, after a brief moment of resulting-bitterness, constantly keep pushing it OFF...

'something' that we are not so proud of...
'something' that makes the grey  shade of ours one shade darker...

'something' about which we keep mumbling to ourselves "That's it! NEVER AGAIN.." and simultaneously pretending as if it never ever happened at all altogether....or at least, wish  that it never had happened...

'something' that we so desperately WANNA UNDO... but unfortunately we can't...!

'something' for which we often find ourselves knelt down to the almighty, praying for wisdom so that we don't have to bear the same shame and pain again...

It's very important NOT TO DEMEAN ourselves by unnecessary guilts... guilts indicate that at least our "Superego" (the 'angel''; our moral guide, inside us!) is still alive... which is really a good sign..! The Superego judges our deeds mainly based on our 'self-image', moral values and social norms... whenever there is a discrepancy at any level the guilt button is turned On...

The intensity of guilt thus generated, depends on the sphere in which the discrepancy has occurred! Although it varies from individual to individual, discrepancy in 'self-image sphere' usually contributes maximally to guilt...! 

So, the highly you think of yourself... chances are, you are going to feel the deeper guilt if you do something wrong... but the bright side of the story is- the probability of wrong-doing by you, at the same time, is decreased proportionately too... which means you will probably do what you think is RIGHT THING to do most of the time..!! 

The "Id" (the 'devil''; our basic instincts, inside us) on the other hand, is responsible for our survival and pleasure... FOOD, FIGHT or FLIGHT, REPRODUCE (sex)...!!

If Superego is the 'Breaks' of a Ferrari... Id indeed is the 'gas paddle'...! It's main function is to put your survival as the utmost priority..! Left on its own, it will lead you to a path that will do all that is, at least, bodily good..! Majority of Lower animals, specially those, which don't live in herd... are guided by Id only...! 

Since, We human beings live in a highly sophisticated and equally complex social structure and hence all the time, subconsciously though, there is some sort of conflict going on between the 'angel' and the 'devil' inside us...!

In fact, it's the wrong handling of these inner conflicts by 'Ego' (the 'Middle Man' between the 'Devil' and the 'Angel') that are at the base of majority of pervasive psychiatric illnesses, if not all...!

So, in the nutshell how you handle these conflicts in your life decides how mentally healthy you are gonna be..!

Hence, my dear don't whine too much about what wrong you have done or how many times you have wronged... if you are brave enough to acknowledge it and determined enough not to repeat it again... it's okay! For we all know...To err is only human...!!

Having said this, I don't mean that you should forget what you have done...

My suggestion would be: always Apologise to the one whom you have wronged but apologise only IF YOU REALLY MEAN IT...!! 

And, don't expect forgiveness at that very instant... even if you meant every single word of your apology... because you are in no position even to have the slightest of idea about how deep actually their wounds go or how ugly their scars look...
May be your apology is accepted or may be not... in fact, you might face humiliation altogether... but it's still okay... it's still better than having not apologised at all... 

Trust me, what ever be their reaction, if yours apology was a sincere one, you will find your head and heart at peace once again...

Dr. Virat Kuntalam

@viraat_k (twitter)
(+91)9990-22-7677

(The Photographs used here, have been freely downloaded from google and author doesn't claim or has any copyright of them!)